


high jess

by princessdiana



Category: New Girl
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drug Use, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Future Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-20
Updated: 2016-12-20
Packaged: 2018-09-01 18:52:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8634073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princessdiana/pseuds/princessdiana
Summary: it's 2026 and every ten years jessica day likes to partake in "what the native americans call cannabis."





	

**Author's Note:**

> nick and jess are currently just friends in this fic. (i know it's unrealistic that they wouldn't have gotten together for ten years but i thought this way would make for an interesting fic.)

with a bong in one hand and a bowl of kettle corn in the other, jess moved into the living room, sitting next to cece who was staying over. (she loved schmidt but sometimes she needed a girls' night.)  
  
"are you sure about this, babe?" cece asked, grabbing some of the kettle corn. "last time we did this, we got arrested. and you told aly that winston had a crush on her. and before that time, you almost died."

"we didn't get arrested, we went to mall jail, and the thing with aly and winston worked out great -- they're married now!" jess retorted. "and i'll try not to die this time."

cece sighed, knowing that there was no convincing jess when she already made up her mind. she just hoped for the best and that things wouldn't spiral out of control this time.

"if you're sure. i have to run some errands so i'll be back in a bit."

"yeah, totally. what could possibly go wrong?"

* * *

it turns out that more could go wrong that jess thought possible. nick was coming over and she forgot all about it. she had spent years trying to erase her feelings from him. but she's a teacher and she knows that no matter how much you try to erase things on a whiteboard that there will always be something left of what you wrote. especially if you wrote it in permanent marker. and even after ten years of being his friend, her love for him still felt permanent. and even after he broke up with reagan (the long distance was just too much for the both of them to handle), she didn't have the courage to tell him. thought that maybe her best way of loving him was not saying anything. maybe the best way of loving him was moving out of the loft, finding a place for herself, keeping her distance. but just because there's distance between them, it doesn't make it any easier. because she also constantly feels the distance between them mentally and emotionally. and she knows part of that is her fault, knows that she should have told him ages ago. but she knows it's too late, their friendship is solid and she doesn't want to break it.

she didn't realize that nick was coming over and would see her in her "high jess" state. she tended to not think about things she was saying or doing when she was high. she tended to almost die or blurt something out. and being around nick sometimes felt like that - like she was dying. sometimes she was dying to tell him. sometimes she was dying just because she felt her heart would burst when he said things like "i'm proud of you, day," or "you know, i'm glad you're my best friend." dying from those words because they were so sweet but also dying because they were just best friends. and now he was coming over. he walked in the door to jess's apartment - with a paper brown bag of groceries because he told her he would cook dinner for her tonight.

"jess, i'm here," he announced, closing the door behind him. when he heard no response, he walked further into the living room and noticed the bong on the couch, next to jess. part of him was excited, he had never seen high jess before. it had been ten years since she had done it so it made sense. but the other part of him was kind of worried, he knew she didn't have the best track record with weed.

"hey jess," he said, sitting down on the couch next to her and cece.

"what?" she asked. she turned to face nick and pure panic set in. "nick...what are you doing here?"

"i'm supposed to make dinner tonight, remember?" she obviously didn't. "plus, i wanted to see ya, kid. it's been like four days since we've talked."

"jeez, miller, you're clingy," she said, laughing and licking her lips.

“I just missed ya is all,” nick replied, knowing that it was probably the weed talking more than she was. she had been known to say some pretty weird things when she was high: my hearing is, like, so good without my glasses on; oh my god i just realized some day i’m going to have to speak at my mother’s funeral; don’t open it, what if inside of it is us but we’re older? yeah, so nick didn’t really think anything of her weird statements.  
  
jess reached for the bong, waving it in front of nick, “do you want some? there’s still some left. i call it giggle dirt.”  
  
“no thank you, jessica, one of us has to be sober,” nick reasoned.  
  
“since when are you sober? you drink more than any person i know.”  
  
there was some truth to that statement but in his defense, he was getting better. sure, he drank a lot at the bar - which he now fully owned and operated, while constantly working on his novels that were now bestsellers. and jess was really happy for him, like immensely happy for him, so proud of him. but just like when he first started caring and working hard at the bar, it made jess love him even more which she didn’t think was possible. and she was convinced every time that she was around him that her heart was made of dynamite because she swore it exploded every time. and this time was no exception, even if she was under the influence, she was also under his spell. she had been under his spell for the last decade and a half, even if she didn’t know it. that magic, that umph, was always there, and she wasn’t sure if it would ever go away. jess tried to make it go away, she had tried to date robby - but that just ended up with her breaking his heart after she had broken everything else. she thought that she had felt the magic, after he gave that sweet thanksgiving speech but all it was, was her subconsciously forcing a connection because she was lonely and still couldn’t stop thinking about nick. she had tried to date many other men but it just never worked out. they never knew why but she did. she tried to sleep with some men that she barely knew the name of, and while they satisfied her sexually, she was somehow still empty.

“well sober in the sense of not high,” he explained.

“okay, by the way, when i die, wrap me up like a burrito. i want to die like a burrito,” she said, laughing. “burritos.”

“okay, jessica,” he said, reaching for some kettle corn.

“you know, i wouldn't eat that kettle corn if i were you nick. i’m like 90% sure that the government put something in there to seep into my brain and track me down.”

“okay, now you sound like _me_.”

nick’s conspiracy theories hadn't stopped but he'd stopped talking about them as much as he used to because he realized that most people didn't really care about the fact that dinosaurs were dragons. how someone could not care about that was beyond nick. there were so many blog posts! he had written a lot of them, but still, so many blog posts!

“i’m nick, i have a turtle face, i’m a grumpy old man,” jess said in a deep voice. “turtle face, turtle face, turtle face.”

“it's just my face!” he insisted, like he had been for years.  
jess slowly took her finger, and poked nick on the nose. “your nose is squishy.” she left her finger on his nose for a while before she realized that it was still there. she started laughing, like really hard.

“what's um, what's so funny?”

“your nose!”

“my nose? what's wrong with my nose? why is my nose funny?” nick then had to remind himself that she was as high as a kite and he shouldn't be insecure about his nose. (it was a normal nose, right?)

“hey, hey, nick,” jess whispered.

“yeah?”

“i love you.”

“i love ya too, kid.”

“no no no, like i _love_ you."

jess, even though she was high, realized what she had just said. and she was sure nick had realized what she meant. and even while she was stoned, she knew that what had just happened was bad. no, bad was an understatement. bad was when she accidentally dropped the turkey last thanksgiving. this was more like...catastrophic, terrible, disastrous.

“i...um...do you...kettle corn?” jess managed to finally say, handing him the bowl of kettle corn.

“no thanks. hey, jess, what did that mean?”

“what did what mean?”

“come on, jess, don't play dumb. you know what i mean.”

“no, i honestly, i forgot, nick. weed gives me short term memory loss,” jess half lied. (she did have short term memory loss when she smoked weed sometimes but this was not one of those times.)

“do you love me?”

“of course, you're my best friend.” another half lie.

“and nothing more?”

“nothing more.” that one was a full on lie. but she managed to say it convincingly enough that nick bought it.

“are you sure?” or so she _thought_ he bought it.

“what were we talking about? i was thinking about dogs.”

“you were thinking about _dogs_?”

“yeah, like if a normal dog sees a police dog, is he like ‘oh my god it's a cop’? i’ll have to ask aly.”

“are you really not going to say anything about what just happened?”

“what...just happened?”

without thinking, nick grabbed jess’s face and kissed her softly. when jess kissed him back, he was taken by surprise. he was even more surprised when she started intensifying the kiss, wrapping her hands around his neck. he wasn't sure that this was a good idea. she was high after all. and they were _friends._ so why did it feel so good? why did kissing jess make him feel like this? they hadn't kissed in over a decade yet he still felt the same magic that he felt when they kissed for the first time. he pulled away, trying to recollect his thoughts.

“this isn't right, you're high. i’m taking advantage of you,” he said, with a frown on his face. “if you weren't high, you wouldn't want to be kissing me. you should be kissing what's his face, um...tyler.”

tyler was the guy jess had been seeing for the last two or three weeks. but unbeknownst to nick, jess had ended that relationship. sure he was above six feet and sure he was funny, sweet, and charming. but something was missing. so she broke up with him. the thing that was missing? the fact that he wasn't nick.

but all jess gave was the normal speech that she gave all the guys that she broke up with, “i think that i need to be on my own for a bit. i need to focus on the things that matter most to me which are my job, the kids that i work with, and my friends. and i really hope that you could be part of the last part. what i’m saying is i hope that we stay friends.” (they never do.) (except for robby but that doesn't count because it's  _ robby. _ )

jess leaned in to kiss nick again but he pushed her away gently, not wanting to kiss her in this state even though part of him wanted to. 

“what's with you, do you  _ not  _ want to kiss me?”

“not like this!” he exclaimed, echoing what he had said before their first almost kiss. 

“like what?” 

“not when you're high, and won't remember this tomorrow! not when you're going to regret it tomorrow!” 

“i won't.” 

“won't what?” 

“regret it, i won't regret it nick.” 

she regretted a lot of things, even though she tried to be the ‘no regrets’ kind of person, but she never regretted nick. everything with nick was one hundred percent worth it. every kiss, every fight, every look, every date -- everything was worth it. because  _ nick  _ was worth it. jess was growing frustrated with not being able to kiss nick. she was sure that if she were high she wouldn't have the courage to do such a crazy thing but she always wanted to. 

“just kiss me, miller!” jess demanded. 

“no, you wouldn't be kissing me if you weren't high!” he argued. 

“you're right,” she replied in a small voice. “i’d be too scared. but that doesn't mean i wouldn't  _ want  _ to.” 

“what are you talking about, jess?”

“i want to kiss you all the time when i’m not high. but i never have the courage to. can we talk about something else, anything else? i think cece should be back soon so let’s forget this ever happened.”

“i can’t forget that this happened, jess. you just told me that you want to kiss me all the time! how long have you felt like this?”

“i dunno, like ten years?”

“ _ ten years _ ? you've felt this way and never told me?” 

“i mean, you were with reagan for so long and then i just got so used to hiding it and our friendship was solid…what was i supposed to do? and i was like, always positive that you didn't feel the same way. so i just hid it.” jess was now shaking, which was unusual for her. she had never been paranoid while high. but then again, she never really had a reason to be until now. nick put his hand on her leg to calm her down and suddenly she was hyper aware of his touch. of how he electrifying it felt. of how nothing changed. she felt it so much that she flinched at the contact. she didn't know what to do. she had just admitted that she had had feelings for him for a decade and she just couldn't handle him touching her. couldn't handle the false hope, the wishful thinking. and she couldn't hide it anymore. she couldn't hide the fact that when he touched her anywhere, that she felt it  _ everywhere.  _ she was having trouble breathing but nick’s hand was still on her leg and he was looking at her with a look she couldn't quite define. a mixture of pity, adoration, concern, and confusion. 

“i never knew you felt this way, jess. i mean, how was i supposed to know?” 

“you weren't. i mean i tried having relationships with other people but i couldn't get past the feeling of wishing it was you. so i always called them off.” 

jess was expecting some sort of verbal response, him saying he was sorry, that he loved her, but not like that. of him telling her that he was sorry that she had to hide it all this time. but she got one of the softest kisses she had ever gotten in her life. usually, when nick kissed her, it was full of passion. but this was different. it was a good kind of different. as they pulled away, jess was out of breath again. 

“what was that for?” 

“i’m sorry,” nick whispered. and jess’s face fell. here came the inevitable apology she was expecting before he kissed her. “that you had to hide this. that you didn't know. that i didn't know.” 

“that i didn't know  _ what _ ?” 

“of course i feel the same way about you, jess. i never stopped loving you like that. i’ve been in love with you since the beginning. it's always been you.” 

* * *

 

the next day jess woke up with vague to no recollection of what had happened the previous day. she remembered laughing, kettle corn, nick, and cece, but she couldn't put a finger on any details. she rubbed her eyes, sat up, to see nick sitting next to her on the couch. 

“what the?” 

“i’m guessing you don't remember yesterday or last night.” 

_ oh no.  _ her mind was racing with things that she could have said to nick. and they all sounded something like ’i love you.’ and she suddenly jumped to the worse case scenario - that he didn't feel the same way, that she ruined their friendship, that she drove a rift in between them. 

“look, about what i said...i don't  _ know  _ what i said, but i’m sorry. i know whatever i said ruined everything and i’m sorry, i’m so so-” 

nick grabbed her face, like he was about to kiss her. but he didn't. he just stared into her eyes so deeply that it kind of scared jess. his eyes were practically burning through her. 

“you didn't ruin anything. i said it yesterday and i’ll say it again - it's always been you, jessica.” 

jess was speechless. she couldn't believe that he felt the same way. it didn't make sense. her timing on these things is never correct. she has the worst timing in the history of timing. she kind of expected ashton kutcher to come out and tell her that she had been punk’d (even though the show hadn’t been on the air in nearly two decades). but when ashton didn't come out and nick didn't laugh, she realized that this was  _ real.  _ for once in her life, the timing was perfect. everything about this moment was perfect. she took a deep breath and opened her mouth to speak. but before she could get a word out, nick was kissing her. and she swore this was the best kiss she had gotten in a long time. she closed her eyes and smiled against his lips. and then she started to cry because she was so fucking  _ happy.  _ jess tried her hardest to commit everything about this moment to memory. she wanted to remember how his lips felt, how his hands felt while he was holding her face, how his stubble felt against her face. the feeling of kissing him after so long was like going home. and that's what nick had always been to her. a home. and now she felt like she was no longer homeless. 

_ “ _ it's always been you,” nick whispered after they pulled away from the kiss. “ever since the moment you walked through that door.” 


End file.
